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I do think it's the overall pattern that's important.
Certainly, I don't think anywhere in the piece is it posited that you shouldn't have conversations or relationships online that don't include your spouse. In fact, healthy relationships make sure that each person is feeling satisfied in their own ways independently, and some boundaries and privacy are important. But significant patterns of secrecy, defensiveness, and private conversations that very often intrude upon in-person"couple time" are often very, very bad for emotional intimacy within the couple.
I appreciate your feedback! I think it is barbaric that that was ever an issue but it is began to come to the point now that men will need to stand up for their equal rights. Why did you waste your time and ours by typing that tripe? It's pretty much a single run-on sentence. Justin, I tried to read your story, but the lack of punctuation renders it nearly illegible.
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I agree with the person who said, "it's like one long run-on sentence. You work all day while she lounges around, never doing any housework nor cooking nor grocery shopping. So you do it. It's not all black and white, you know. Depending on the couple, even sex with another person wouidn't be considered cheating, if they agree it's ok.
Or it could be that "flirting" online IS cheating to them. It all depends on the couple. Don't presume to say "this is the only form of cheating," and expect everyone else to follow that definition. Everyone's relationship is different. What is right for you isn't necessarily right for everyone.
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A less than impressive article IMHO - I was of the impression Psychology Today would have some sort of vetting process before accepting such articles for release. I agree with the comments thus far. The definitions of "cheating" have gotten ridiculous. A marriage license is not a deed of ownership.
No wonder so many marriages end in divorce if they are often this stifling. Reminds me of the old Bob Dylan line, "I give her my heart, but she wanted my soul. Don't get married insecure. It's bad for everyone involved. I would also submit that if your spouse is like this now, means she oh yeah and he came into the marriage this way.
I don't buy the notion that this behavior suddenly manifests itself within the current relationship.
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I guess the larger problems do arise though when the one that gets found to be doing this and 'brushes it off' actually would flip their lid if their partner were to be found doing the exact same thing. For example - I found my partner to be sexy chatting on fb. I flipped my lid when they tried to brush it off as 'nothing' and when I put the question to them as to what they would do if they found me doing the same thing? Agreed - they would flippo. So I don't think its as cut and dry as its put out there to be.
Where do you get this idea "deed of ownership" from? Not once in this article did the author mention that those in committed relationships are not allowed to talk to any other human being. You projected that context there because that's what you wanted to do. Cheating, to most people, simply means being unfaithful.
That can occur in a number of ways.
I assume you've never been a relationship with someone who emotionally cheats on you and that's why you don't relate to this post, and that's okay. But I used to feel the same way-- there's only physical cheating. Then I got into a relationship that eventually destroyed me.
I'm not a jealous person, and I think it's important for both partners to have privacy and time with friends of either gender. But my partner at the time did everything on this list, and it wasn't innocent at all. He would message any cute girl he saw on Facebook and flirt with them. Harmless enough I guess.